Note: This is supposedly a
Scribble. Write. Erase. Scribble some more. It’s not as easy as it seems you know. Studying, I mean. It’s a big challenge, especially to those taking the long, treacherous road of engineering (no pun intended).
Growing up from a family with great financial shortcomings, I was trained early to learn how to get by with life in a different way. If I want something, I must work hard for it, in one way or another. My mom said that if I want to get the life I want, I must study hard. Consider education as a gift, she tells me, for it is something that many people cannot afford to experience, just because. Keeping Mom’s words in my thoughts and actions, I managed to stay this long to finish the race that started fifteen years ago, in a kindergarten school a couple of blocks away from our house.
“Once you've made up your mind, the only thing that separates you from your dream is your fear.”
Fifteen years of lecture writing, solving bacterial growth rate, memorizing the Periodic Table, differentiating blue from red, reciting Newton’s First Law of Motion, appointments with the guidance counselor, throwing crumpled paper on my seatmate, and struggling to survive yet another year of studying, not to mention saving up for the enormous school fees and expenses. So far, this is how I spent three-fourths of the time I have spent in this world (So far, OK?). It felt easy when you keep your future plans in mind, so as to give you the determination of finishing it up to the very last day of class. “Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius,” as Arthur Conan Doyle, Sr. said. This is, I believe, what sets me apart from most people. I dream what is high; I plan on what is higher; I do everything to achieve the highest. This attitude has helped me cross various obstructions and obstacles I have faced.
“Once you've made up your mind, the only thing that separates you from your dream is your fear.” True enough, it is the fear of the unknown that caught me off guard, occasionally. Needless to say, I was really doing well in school, modesty aside. But as I encountered problems left and right, there came a time that I considered education as more of a burden than a gift that I always treasured; there were days when I went to school just for the sake of doing it. Those were times of superficial happiness. I was happy on the outside; a dark, frail Kiel carefully hides his true self inside. Instead of concerning myself with academic activities, I diverted my focus onto my personal struggles. Whining is something I am really good at. What I did all those times was to project a ‘Helpless Little Me’ effect, instead of working on it, as I would have originally done. It’s just that sometimes I feel that it’s just too much. Suddenly, I realized what is obvious from the: I must help myself from the inside, without expecting any help outside. I have made a fool of myself, I thought.
“To get the life that you want does not depend on what you have -- it’s what you do with what you have.”
With only one year left before I join the corporate world, I still feel the need of time- lots and lots of it. If only I had helped myself during those times. If only I had the strength and willingness to study further, to reinstate my once –high standards in life. As they say, it’s better to be late than never. I think I’ll just go with the ‘late’ thingy, than to suffer the consequences that ‘never’ can inflict upon my future. Using my remaining time in school would probably not compensate the times I have wasted, but I shall use it to redeem myself. As the TV commercial goes, “To get the life that you want does not depend on what you have -- it’s what you do with what you have.”
In the end, it all goes down to finishing the race I started. I may have stumbled ten times, but I must get up eleven times. If I must fall, I shall fall forward, to gain something from it. That’s how things work, right?
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